Not a literal teacup, of course – but sometimes my kitchen feels about as much use as a chocolate teapot.

It’s a SMALL room. Like, tiny. I’ve watched YouTube vids where folks say ‘oooh, this is the tiniest kitchen you ever saw’ and it’s 2-3 times the size of mine.

For many years I thought to myself, ‘I can make this work’. ‘It’s not too small, it just needs a new layout’. I thought about taking out walls, or using smaller applicances. I toyed with the idea of turning the sink (and beat) around, recessing it into the window. I modelled skinny worktops, or adding steps and working in 3D. But do you know what? A 4ft by 12 foot kitchen with 2 doorways in it is fucking useless.

Don’t get me wrong, there are elements I like. I’m SO glad there’s a window. I don’t think I could easily live without a kitchen where I can see light from – I’d always rather have a bijou windowed kitchen than a bigger internal one. I LOVE the grill – it makes the best toast I’ve ever known, even better than Aga toast. I enjoy hanging things from hooks, using the height. I even find the VERY rough shelves I shoved in the window, kind of as a joke, quite funny. Because what’s cooler than laughing at one’s own?

But pretty much everything else drives me nuts. The single sink is maddening, and the stupid recessed bit at the end wastes what little space there is. The doors and drawers hit each other. You can only get one person in. There’s not enough width to put in a dishwasher, assuming you want to open the door of it. More than anything else, there is NO WORKTOP SPACE. Well, there’s about 600mm of it. If I put one plate down, perhaps a breakfast one awaiting washing up in the evening, it’s half gone.

After many years of coping, and trying to tell myself I could live with it, I realised I could in no way live with it. I would die. By stabbing myself, whether by accident, or on purpose. So, with the renovation work, the kitchen will be moving, and this room will get a new purpose. And might even lose more space! Ah well!