Come and knock on our door…

I realised the other day that it’s been a LONG time since I properly did Christmas here.

In 2014, when I got the house, I bought a tree in a pot. It turns out those are mostly a bad idea if you actually want it to live and so it duly died. (My parents do have one, which they’ve had for a long time now, but they are misers and only bring it in on about the 23rd, and they keep their house about 13 degrees C.)

In 2015 I think I was running around like a blue-arse fly taking a now-ex shopping for all his Christmas shit and to buy my birthday present, and also doing family stuff, so I think I was too knackered. In 2016, I was about to lose my job, so wasn’t feeling especially festive. 2017, I had a job in Dundee and went to the Canaries instead (SUCH A GOOD CHOICE). In 2018 and ’19 I was feeling a bit more human, and did a tree at my flat in Dundee (got a free one from neighbours who were moving out and didn’t want to deal with it), but somehow I never got round to getting one here.

Cue 2020, and 8 months locked down here! I think we’re all feeling the need for a boost this year, so I decided it was finally time to do it – I was getting a fake tree. Real ones have charm, but not for setting up in November. Given that I quite enjoy the process of planning, I spent a couple of weekends thinking and plotting. Things I knew:

1. I have high ceilings
2. I have minimal floor space
3. I need more fun and joy than class

With that in mind, I had a quick look online, but quickly realised that they all just look like green pointy things on the interwebs. I took my mission on the road. I went to…

1. B&Q – a pretty fair range actually, at good prices. They even had a low area tall one. Why so cheap? Hmmm…unconvinced
2. TK Maxx – just on the off-chance that there was some wacky creation of crab bells in a tree, or some shiz like that. There was not.
3. The Range – again cheap, but somehow didn’t work for me – everything seemed to have too many fake details. The staff were also spectacularly useless, so I bailed
4. John Lewis – I was curious to see if it was 4 times as impressive as B&Q for the massive price hike. It was not, and the store is full of escalators and PEOPLE STANDING ON THEM AND YOU CAN’T OVERTAKE THEM OH MY GOD I HAVE THINGS TO DO*.
5. Dobbies – it’s so pretty here, and I was tempted. They didn’t have the £150 pound one I wanted, but a helpful lady asked if I wanted her to check if there were any others. She came back telling me she had got a £180 one at the desk for me…at which point I slapped myself for thinking of spending nearly £200 for a bit of plastic to sit across the room for me for a month of the year.

This was when I decided my research was complete, and popped back home via B&Q for a £38 7.5ft Eiger tree. I think it’s the range one up from base, which is almost always a perfectly good buy. It’s small in area and big on height, and I’m actually delighted with it. They only had coloured lights, so I thought why not? I know monochrome is in these days, but I grew up in the 80s and we had coloured lights. Again, delighted – it’s bringing great joy. It fits the space PERFECTLY, and it nicely visible from outside through the blind too. Joy is shared.

I’ve shoved some bling on it too, which may need a re-arrange. I also definitely need to get some scented stuff to go with it too, to complete the illusion. What with not spending £180 on a tree (why did I even consider that?!), I can get some pretty nice candles!

So, I think it’s going to be a nice December with my new tree friend. We’ll be looking more at the history of the living room soon too 🙂

* obviously, some folks have mobility issues, and I’m not hating on them. If you stand for the first 3/4 then bound up the rest, then block me again on the next one, you are THE WORST.